Ikkaku's UNlucky Dance
by Shorea Tashinnaku
Summary: Ever wonder why Ikkaku rarely do his lucky dance? One-shot


As much as I enjoy Ikkaku's lucky dance, I'm surprised that no one have thought of that. To all the Ikkaku fans, I apologize to what happened in the story.

I do not own Bleach. Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.

* * *

"What do you mean I can't do my lucky dance?!" Ikkaku shouted. There was a vein popping out from the corner of his left eye. "There's nothing wrong with my lucky dance!"

"I'm not saying your dance is terrible," Iba sighed. "I'm saying that your opponent will take advantage of you if you're doing your little dance."

"Screw you Iba!" Ikkaku yelled at the Seventh Division Vice-Captain. "You're not my vice-captain so I can do whatever the hell I want!"

"Idiot!" Iba shouted back. How much could it take to get the idea sunk through the Third Seated Officer of Eleventh Division's thick head? "Do you have any idea how vulnerable you've put yourself into when doing that dance?"

"Vulnerable? Ha!" Ikkaku dryly laughed. "Have you forgotten that I'm Ikkaku Madarame, Third Seated Officer of Captain Kenpachi Zaraki's Eleventh Division? There's no way I will let myself be vulnerable to my enemies. Not even one."

Iba sighed again. That Third Seated Officer was really prideful of himself. It looked like he had to do it the hard way.

"Look Ikkaku, if you're going to continue doing your lucky dance, your opponent will take advantage." Iba repeated before furthering his explanation. "There are two types of guys who will take advantage. One is those who are weak and coward. When you do your dance, they will take that chance to run away."

"As if I'm interested in weak." Ikkaku said obviously. "The only opponent I'm interesting are the strong ones."

"Damnit! Quit interrupting me and listen to what I said!" Iba shouted before taking a deep breath to calm his nerve. He knew that Ikkaku was very prideful of himself when it came to battle. But Ikkaku really needed to learn that he had to swallow his pride and let his habit of lucky dance to cease. Otherwise, the Third Seated Officer would get his consequence.

"Besides the weak and cowards, there's another type of guys that will take advantage of you."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" Ikkaku asked, curious of what Iba was trying to say.

"I'll tell you. But first, do your lucky dance."

"... What?"

"You heard me. Do your lucky dance and I'll tell you what the second type is."

Ikkaku blinked. What was the Seventh Vice-Captain talking about? He knew that Iba wanted him to cease his lucky dance. However, it didn't explain why he should do his lucky dance now. Curious of what Iba wanted, Ikkaku agreed.

He danced to the left. He danced to the right. He bended his knees three times before placing the tip of his sheathed zanpatuko onto the ground before lifting himself into the air. As he flipped himself upside down, his hand still latched onto his zanpatuko, he suddenly heard Iba shouted.

"An opening!"

"Eh?"

Suddenly, Ikkaku felt the pain surging between his legs where Iba had kicked him, causing the Third Seated Officer to lose his balance on top of his zanpatuko. Both he and his zanpatuko clashed onto the ground. Ikkaku's face changed from normal color to a sudden tint of blue as he clutched his manhood tenderly.

"... B- B- Bastard!" Ikkaku finally cried out in high pitch tone as he continued to huddle his pride.

"You're damn right!" Iba spoke as he loomed over Ikkaku's crutching body, arms crossing. "Bastards and dicks will pull that stunt if you perform your lucky dance. So if you don't want to be taken advantage, then stop doing your lucky dance from now on. Otherwise, you will be-"

Iba was unable to finish his speech for he felt a sudden force between his legs, followed with a terrible pain. He uncrossed his arms and placed his hands over his jewel as he began to kneel down.

"You little....." The Seventh Vice-Captain winced in high pitch tone but unable to finish his sentence. In front of his fallen body was the kneeling Ikkaku with Hozukimaru in his hand. Apparently, the Third Seated Officer had swung his sheathed zanpatuko.

"It looks like I'm not the only one who needs to cease 'bad' habit." Ikkaku smirked annoyingly. "You need to cut your macho speech crap short or else dicks and bastards take advantage of you."

"Damn you..." Iba growled in anger as he drew out his zanpatuko. If he wasn't so angry about his manhood being swung, he would have arrested Ikkaku for attacking a higher officer. However, like Ikkaku, he had let his pride get the best of him.

As the two battled out, Yumichika who was sitting not too far from them and drinking tea shook his head.

"Those fools. Don't they ever learn that old habits are hard to die?"


End file.
